Then Now and Maybe
by Pixie Mary-Jade
Summary: What if Bella wasn't as strung up on Edward? And Jacob wasn't so tied to Bella? Maybe Bella didn't want to spend her Christmas as a zombie. This is set in New Moon after Edward abandons Bella. What was not will now be. But as Bella enjoys her paradise the moon returns and an unexpected eclipse may occur… Enjoy the read; story better than summary so please give it a chance and READ!
1. The Pain

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Chapter One: The Pain

I walked through the halls silently, in a sort of daze. Jessica had already left to walk with Lauren and the others but Angela stood dutifully by my side. Even though I was making no effort to keep up with the conversation, she still chattered on about her disappointing date with Ben Cheney. I hadn't even noticed they'd been together. I guiltily tried to keep up with her as she was the only person that actually tried to talk to me. And even though I'd expressed to her I didn't want any calls or visits to my place she still called. She still visited. In a way Angela was a lot like me. We didn't open to a lot of people. I guess that's why she's stuck so close to me. It was hard to branch out and befriend persons that didn't even like you.

The only reason she and Jessica spoke to each other was because they're parents were very good friends and they'd spent a lot of time together as children.

"I mean I really like him Bella and even though he was a complete jerk I can't stop thinking about him. What do you think? Should I call him or wait for him to call me?"

"Definitely wait. You don't want to look desperate or anything."

She nodded in agreement. "But what if he doesn't call?"

I shrugged. "His loss. If he doesn't call then you know he's a jerk and there's no sense you waste time with him anyway."

Angela smiled kindly at me. "Since when did you turn an expert on relationships?"

My eyes welled up with tears. I held my chest. My voice was hoarse when I said, "Experience teaches you a lot of things."

"Oh Bella I didn't mean to bring up Ed-" I stopped her.

"No, no it's alright Angela. He's an asshole that broke up with me and left town without a proper goodbye. It's good that we're not together."

She smiled and held my shoulders comfortingly. "Good for you Bella. I'm so happy you said that. C'mon let's get to history class."

As soon as we arrived her eyes stared longingly at the empty seat next to Ben.

I pushed her forward and said, "Catch you later."

"Bells you don't mind do you?"

"Of course not; you don't have to babysit me. Now go before Lauren gets there before you do. "

"Thank you" She squealed. I walked to the back of the class and saw Angela blushing at something Ben said. I rolled my eyes and smiled. They were sweet together even though he seemed to lack people skills.

The bell for lunch jumped me back into reality. Angela grabbed my hands and led me to our table.  
"He asked me to the dance! Oh Bella this is the best day ever." Angela exclaimed.

"Why is it the best day ever?" Jessica asked. She squeezed herself between us, pushing me to the side. I nearly fell flat on my face. Thank God for posts.

"Hi Je- Bella are you ok?"

She tried to run to my side but Jessica held her hand.

"Why do you treat her as if she's a baby?" Jess asked angirly. "You don't have to be her friend out of pity Angela. Bella is quite fine being by herself. Let her cry over that dick Edward forever. God knows why she thought he'd even like her in the first place, not when he'd rejected me. Me! I hate you bitch!"

She walked over to me and slapped my face.

Jessica had shouted so loud that everyone in the cafeteria turned to watch at us. Angela stared at her. Tears blinded my eyes as I awkwardly ran out of the cafeteria, passing Principal Fern on the way.

"Isabella Swan no running in the halls. Miss Swan I am speaking. Miss SWAN!"

I continued running. I jumped into my truck and fumbled for my keys. Jut then Angela rapped on the window. I winded it down.

"No Angela" I stammered. "Please I'm leaving I-"

"I'm so sorry Bella. I-I…I don't know what-" She stopped and shook her head. "Jessica, she, um you see well she doesn't-"

I sniffed and wiped my stupid tears away. "It's alright Angela. I'm going hone now. Tell Mike I'm not coming to work today.

She looked at me strangely. "Promise me you won't do anything stupid."

I was too sad to respond humorously to her clear request to not commit suicide. "I won't kill myself." I said, driving out of the compound.

I drove and drove and drove; not knowing where I was headed.

I was so numb…and broken. Pain was engulfing my insides as I processed what Jessica had said over and over in my brain. She was right. How could I have been stupid enough to think one as beautiful as Edward could ever want someone like me? How could I have thought he would actually love bland, plain, ugly me? Tears streamed down my face as I remembered that awful day, months ago, that memory whose pain felt as fresh as yesterday.

_He took a deep breath and stared, unseeingly, at the ground for a long moment. His mouth twisted the tiniest bit. _

_When he finally looked up, his eyes were different, harder –like the liquid gold had frozen solid._

"_Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying._

_There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent._

"_You…don't…want…me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order. _

"_No"_

I gasped for air. The pain was too much. I cried silently. I was remembering _him_. This was forbidden for a reason.

The memory of his beautiful face, the way it felt to kiss his soft, tender lips, the way he held me, ran with me.

I opened the door and pelted outside. Did I mention it was pouring? I screamed my lungs out. I hollered for what we had and the love we shared. For what was and what could have been.

I pictured the beautiful faces of the other six vampires that could have been my family.

As I fell to the ground I felt two strong hands picking me up.

I was so cold I didn't even respond right. It could've been a serial killer or rapist but I didn't care. I didn't want to live, not without him.

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	2. Help Has Arrived

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Chapter Two: Help Has Arrived

Then I thought of Charlie and Renee. My parents would be devastated if something happened to me and it was because of them that I began to protest. I whimpered like a lost dog but the stranger still held me. My voice sounded hoarse as I said, "Please put me down. Please." I broke into a whisper. The rain splattered my face. I dropped my hands in defeat. Suddenly I was placed in a warm car and a sheet was placed around me. When I looked up I saw the stranger was Jacob. He had fetched me to his Volkswagen.

"It's alright Bella. I'll take you home." He started his car.

"N-No I don't want to go home." I protested quietly. Anywhere; anywhere was better than those four walls that served as a constant reminder of his existence and role in my otherwise boring life.

"You want to come crash at my place?"

I coughed. "Sure" I muttered afterwards.

"Or maybe I should take you to the hospital? You don't want to get pneumonia or anything."

"No" I shook my head vigorously. The doctor would surely wonder why I was screaming in the pouring rain. Then Charlie would really take me to see a shrink and living my life in a padded cell wasn't too appealing.

"I don't like hospitals."

Jacob just shrugged. "Ok"

He thankfully didn't ask questions. I kept coughing which kind of obstructed easy conversation so I just sat there staring. I wouldn't have realized we'd reached if he hadn't tapped my arm. Jacob ran to the passenger side with his umbrella in an attempt to protect me from the rain. We both got wet again anyway because the umbrella broke half way through.

He threw it to the side of the house. "Piece of crap, had it for years."

I didn't respond. "I'll get some soup going." Jacob guessed who I was searching for. "Billy's not here, he's over at Harry."

I nodded. He saw me standing idly and quickly came from the kitchen. "I'm sorry I forgot you were all wet and stuff. Um, my sister is supposed to have some clothes in her room."

"Thanks Jacob."I said hoarsely.

It was funny how oddly comfortable I felt in the presence of this young boy I hardly knew. He handed me the clothes and after drying and changing in his room I watched him as he got my soup ready, chattering all the way. Though I was hoarse I was amicably responding, not mechanically like with Mike and not pretentious as with Jessica.

_Jessica…_

Fresh tears began to form in my eyes as I felt the sting of the slap to my face. My body ran cold.

"Bella, are you ok?" Jacob asked, not in an I-don't-care-I'm-just-asking way but in a really concerned way.

I tried to smile, but it didn't come out right. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

Seconds passed as his eyes stared right into mine, searching and surely seeing the sorrow and pain they held, but he said nothing, nothing but, "Well, what do you want to do? Should I call Charlie and tell him you're here?"

"No, don't call Charlie. I'll tell him when I get home. Um, what were you going to do before you, um, before you…"

"Oh, um, yeah, I was going to Port Angeles to pick up some parts for two bikes I'm rebuilding."

"Oh cool. Can I see? Achoo!" I sneezed.

"Are you sure you don't want to see a doctor? Maybe I should-"

I got up from my seat and placed my soup bowl on the counter. "I'm fine Jacob, sheesh. Now let me see your bikes."

He smiled a sweet innocent, childlike smile that made my insides shine. "Let's go; there out back." It was when he stood up that I saw how tall Jacob really was.

"Whoa Jake! Another growth spurt?"

His eyes twinkled. "Yeah, I'm six five now."

"Jeez, when are you going to quit?" I teased.

He laughed. "Don't ask me."

I shook my head. "Well it better be soon. Any more and I'd be embarrassed to walk close to you."

I took his hand in mine. This caught him a bit off guard but it didn't take him too long to recover.

He led me, through the soppy mud and uneven ground, to the half hidden garage.

"Here they are. They're old Harley Sprints."

"Yours?"

"Yeah, Embry found them and thought I'd have fun pulling them apart. Can't wait to take it for a spin."

"How old are you?"

"Sixteen, you missed my birthday."

I hugged him. "I'm sorry, Happy Birthday Jake!"

He laughed. "Happy Birthday to you too honey." We stayed like that for a while. His head rested on mine. I knew I should've pulled away but I hadn't had physical human contact in such a long time…and Jacob felt so big and warm. His entire body covered me like a big bear; I suddenly felt so safe.

I pulled away. Jacob smiled down at me and playfully tumbled my hair. I wined like a little girl and pulled away. He laughed. I laughed.

I felt so buoyant and free.

He picked me up and was about to throw me in the air when two boys stormed into the garage. He placed my feet on the ground and greeted them. "Hey"

"Who's the hot chick Jake?" One boy asked, winking at me. He was buff and tall, not as tall or as muscular as Jacob though.

I blushed scarlet red.

"My friend Bella"

He stepped forward and offered his hand. "Hi I'm Quill Ateara" He said.

"Nice to meet you"

The other thin boy shook my hand as well. "Embry Call. You're Charlie's kid right?"

"Yeah"

"Finished with those bikes Jake?" Embry asked.

"Nope, almost, I just need those parts from Port Angeles and I'll be finished with the red one."

"Weren't you going to do that this morning?" Quil asked.

"Yeah but Bella came to visit so I changed my mind."

There was an awkward silence before Embry asked, "We're heading over to Leah's. You coming?"

Jacob moved the bikes out of the way and asked, "Why are you going over to Leah's place?"

"Harry invited some people over for this little lunch-dinner thing. We came to get you." Embry answered. He looked over to me and said, "You can come too if you want Bella. Leah's cool."

I shook my head. "That's ok; I think I'll head home." I didn't do well around people, especially girls.

"C'mon" Quill begged. "It'll be fun."

"Please Bella" And suddenly all three boys were approaching me with pleading eyes and clasped hands. I sighed; there was no way I could say no.

"Alright" I said in defeat.

They dragged me to Embry's truck and I sat in silence as they talked about school, homework and girls though Jacob didn't participate much in that discussion.

Embry parked his truck in front of a house that strangely looked exactly like Jacob's, though this held a small flower garden, maybe because a woman lived here.

A woman approached us. She took off her gloves and placed her small fork in her left hand. "Hey boys, everyone's out back. Oh who's this?"

Embry answered before I could. "Charlie's kid"

Her eyes fluttered with recognition; apparently I'd been a topic of discussion between them. "Oh yes Charlie told me all about you. Bella is it? I'm Sue Clearwater." She shook my hand and looked me over. "You're looking better than he'd described."

I opened my mouth in shock. Thankfully, the boys had already walked, laughing among themselves and had not heard her remark.

She took my hand and led me through the door and into the kitchen. I was still dumbfounded. "Don't worry this happens to the best of us. My own daughter…anyway it's all in the past and that's what you need to keep reminding yourself each day. It'll take a while but it will happen; someday, sometime." She sighed as if in deep thought. I could see the pain lingering in her eyes. The same pain I felt, somehow I was no longer angry.

I was sympathetic.

She had lost her husband my pain however was different. Harry had died but He…He _chose_ to leave. He didn't love me. Thus I not only cried because of his absence, I cried because I was mislead and made a fool of and no matter what I could never recover those lost months. But the saddest part is that I had no desire to be angry with him or even change a thing in the past if I could. I would never regret hugging him, kissing him, loving him. Those moments were priceless and, even though he had no feelings for me, I still loved him and those moments we'd shared would be cherished in my heart forever.

I was pitiful.

Sue touched my chin and stared into my eyes. "I thought you would've been angry. But you're not. If possible, you're more in love."

I stepped away, angry and ashamed; ashamed that I was so stupid and that even when someone hurt me so badly I still could not muster enough strength and will power to hate.

My greatest weakness

I loved way too much.

I loved _him_ too much and now that would haunt me forever.

Just then a girl, probably a bit older than me, stepped into the kitchen. She looked so much like Sue that I had already known she was her daughter before she said it.

"Leah, this is Bella Swan, Charlie's daughter. Bella this is my daughter Leah."

Leah looked me over with her face emotionless before turning quickly to her mother, not even acknowledging me.

"Mother we're running out of drinks."

"Send your brother for some at the store."

Leah nodded and walked away. Sue sighed.

I turned angrily towards her and in my hoarse voice I said, "You have no right to…to…to comment on my life Mrs. Clearwater. I'm sorry about your husband but my problems are no concern of yours."

She looked at me. I expected her to throw me out of her house but instead she smiled and said, "Alright dear. My apologies, now, go along and have some fun out there."

I stared at her incredulously. She just laughed, and shooed me out the back door. "Go outside and have fun. Those boys are angelic, especially Jacob."

I stepped outside. I almost wished I hadn't when I saw the loads of people in the backyard. I cried inside and stepped forward, hoping to God I made it through the afternoon.

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